It’s a fact of life.
You’d be hard-pressed to find two people who were each other’s first love and they loved each other until death.
That’s the stuff you find in many viral news stories.
And the reason these stories of perfect couples become so popular is because it’s what so many people aspire to be.
The problem, though, is that some people learn that their relationships are headed for failure, and they learn it the hard way.
So if you’re aiming for a relationship that’s practically fail-proof, you’d have to know some of the reasons why so many relationships end badly.
Take note that the failure of a relationship can be attributed to one or a combination of the following factors.
So if you find that your relationship is facing these problems, it may be best to try and work it out so it doesn’t ruin the hard work you’ve put into your relationship.
#1 Relying on your partner for your happiness. This is common among people who have either low self-esteem or have very few good things going on in their life. The problem with this is that it may put too much pressure on your partner. How? It will always feel like your partner has such a huge role in your life, and that without him/her, you’d be a miserable heap of tears. This kind of dependence is not healthy in any kind of relationship!
#2 Not standing up for yourself. There may be times when you forego your own desires so you can make your partner happy. This is called a sacrifice.
But if you keep doing this and your partner learns that they can easily ignore your wants, you’ll start to feel your sacrifice taking its toll on you. One day, you might wake up and feel so used that you end up snapping and breaking up with your partner. [Read: 16 reasons why it’s so easy for your partner to take you for granted]
#3 Too much dominance. This is the opposite of sacrificing too much. Instead, you expect your partner to be at your beck and call, or else, they will be sorry! Instead of fostering a relationship based on love and trust, you’re instilling fear into your partner.
What this does is force your partner to be miserable and helpless or it can lead them to lie, sneak around or even find someone else’s shoulder or bed just to avoid your wrath and their misery.
#4 There’s too much jealousy going on. If you’re the one who’s jealous, you’re probably always going to be snooping around to check if your partner is faithful to you. Just one instance of you seeing them chatting with someone whom you consider a threat, and you’ll unleash a barrage of accusations.
On the other hand, if your partner is the jealous one, you may find yourself sacrificing your happiness just so you don’t get hit with the barrage of accusations. [Read: 6 little ways to stop being so jealous in a relationship]
#5 Selfishness. Selfishness in both of you will lead to a tug-of-war for who gets the final say in things. You can’t always get what you want, and neither can your partner. If neither of you are willing to compromise to make your relationship work, then you can both find someone who’ll be more accommodating to your every want and need. Good luck with that!
#6 Notpicking each other’s faults. Honesty matters in a relationship. But being too blunt about your partner’s faults all the time may make them feel they’re always under your constant scrutiny. Not only will you slowly pick at their self-esteem, but you might also push them towards the arms of someone who’s much more accepting of their faults.
#7 Lack of time. Even if you both have a busy lifestyle, you still need to set aside time for each other just to keep the relationship going. A five-minute phone call or a text exchange may be enough to let you work through a time when you’re too busy for anything.
If you don’t spare even a few minutes for your partner, neglect starts and that will definitely eat away at your relationship.
#8 Lack of effort. So maybe you have tons of time to spend with each other, it should be no problem, right? Wrong. In fact, if you have lots of time, but very little quality time, this can lead both of you to take each other’s presence for granted. The effort here is to make each date together count through little sweet gestures or bringing something new to the conversation, whatever both of you are into.
Exerting a little something extra from time to time shows your partner that you would still go the extra mile, no matter how long you’ve been dating. In not doing this, you’ll slowly make your relationship more mundane until you just give up.
Unless you make an effort so you can finally be in the same zip code, these relationships usually break under the strain. [Read: Does your long distance love have what it takes to survive the distance?]
#10 Emotional distance. When you’re emotionally incompatible *i.e., one of you is more open while the other is withdrawn*, this can lead to a lot of unmet emotional needs. While two people are never 100% on the same page, it’s important to at least be on a somewhat similar level of emotional availability.
If one of you is aloof and the other is needy, then this imbalance can cause friction and resentment in the one who’s exerting more effort to feel more loved in return.
#11 Little lies that build up. A couple of white lies at the start of your relationship can be common. Of course, you want to put your best foot forward. But it’s also important to eventually come clean or at least try to prevent the lies in the first place.
When these lies build up, it might spiral into a web of lies that you can no longer get out of. It’ll be a huge form of deception, even if it all just started from one little white lie. [Read: 7 reasons why most lovers lie and 7 ways to stop those lies]
#12 Different goals. When you get deeper into a relationship, you may find out that you and your partner may have different goals for the future. One of you may want to focus on your career, while the other would like to start a family soon. This can lead to conflict when it comes to making big decisions in your life. If left without compromise, the rift in your desires may end up causing a rift between the two of you.
#13 Emotional baggage. It goes without saying that baggage will always affect your relationship. Unless you learn to deal with it in a healthy way, it will manifest itself in your relationship from time to time. In addition to this, the fact that your partner can’t help you deal with your baggage can lead them to see their own inadequacy, and may then affect how they acts towards you.
#14 Lack of positive support from friends or family. You’re not in a relationship with your partner’s friends and family. But they are somewhat responsible for who your partner is. Whenever you have a fight, it’s easy for either of you to run to your respective loved ones *friends and family* to bitch about what happened.
However, if they’re not supportive of your relationship, they can end up giving love advice that ends with “just break up!” And you, in your state of vulnerability, might end up agreeing with them.
You may notice that big issues like infidelity and abuse have been left out of the reasons. This is because those reasons are a fairly obvious cause for a failed relationship.
The common reasons mentioned here are the little reasons that many may not notice up until it becomes unbearable. But they can build up and cause conflicts that will cause your entire relationship to unravel, even before either of you notice it!
So be on the lookout for these 14 common reasons why relationships fail, and try to work on them. And if you don’t, you’re just setting your relationship up to fail!