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What, did you just wake up one day and say to yourself, “oy vey”! “I’m lonely and horney as hell”?

So what happened the previous 20 years? Living alone on a deserted island?

Get a dog, join a bicycle club, volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. play frisbee golf. The last thing you want to do is to go looking for a “boyfriend”. Stay out of singles bars, join a singles club though. Write to Drew Carey and ask him out for a date (he is still single?)

You get what you play for. Play for nothing and get nothing, nothing worth having anyway.

Ask Ann Landers what to do next. Or maybe Dr. Ruth? Please don’t settle for second best just because you are tired of looking around in all the wrong places!

Baby you deserve the best, always remember this. Accept no less, demand the rest. If it ain’t happening, then make it happen, just never let them know how it happened capiche?

The most important thing I can tell you is if an attractive single guy looks at you, don’t turn and look the other way or somewhere else. Stare him right back in the eyes and give him that I dare you to talk to me look, practice the “wickedly seductive half-smile with a twinkle in your eye, the “is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me” look.

If he can’t take the heat, don’t give up and walk out the door of possible romance. Find a reason to loiter around. Look like you are having fun doing whatever it is you were doing or just thinking about doing.

Look in his direction but not stare. Make sure you are always in his direct line of sight but don’t let him know you know it. Don’t look at him but scan everywhere he isn’t looking. If it looks like he might be getting ready to leave, leave before he does, and when he does leave, make sure he notices you haven’t found what you went outside to find.

If he is with a group of other guys forget it and leave. If he is with a group of other guys and they have dates but he is stag then see if they are going separate ways then stand where he is likely to be headed for next, like the obvious street crossing.

What are you waiting for? Did you forget where your car is parked? Maybeee? Is there some other place you were looking for but forgot how to get there? Maybeee? Ask him for directions! Play the femme fatale! But one with a head for romance and a heart of gold (no, not a gold digger!).

Say, didn’t I see you inside the theater just a while ago? Which show did you see? How did you like it? blah blah blah.

You take it from there. Assertive but never obvious. Restrained but always in control. Two steps ahead of his every future move.

Hey this is fun isn’t it! Guys are so easy to predict! Just never get involved with a group of them, they can become such dicks when they travel in packs. Just figure out how to cut one from the herd and then go for the jugular (figuratively speaking) unless you are Vampirella that is. Vampirella – Wikipedia or Mae West Mae West

Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?

Mary Jane West (August 17, 1893 – November 22, 1980) was an American actress and playwright, most commonly known as “Mae” West.

Quotes[edit]

When I’m good, I’m very good. When I’m bad, I’m better.

When you got the personality, you don’t need the nudity.

Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.Response to an exclamation, “Goodness! What lovely diamonds!” in Night After Night(1932). She later used Goodness had nothing to do with it as the title of her autobiography (1953).

Why don’t you come up sometime and see me? … Come on up, I’ll tell your fortune.She Done Him Wrong (1933); this statement has become widely misquoted with the paraphrase: “Why don’t you come up and see me sometime?”

Beulah, Peel me a grape.I’m No Angel (1933)

I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.I’m No Angel (1933)

When I’m good, I’m very good. When I’m bad, I’m better.I’m No Angel (1933)

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.Interviewin Life magazine (18 April 1969)

It’s not the men in your life that matters, it’s the life in your men.I’m No Angel (1933)

Between two evils, I generally like to pick the one I never tried before.Klondike Annie (1936) Sometimes quoted as: “When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.”‘

A man in the house is worth two in the street.Belle of the Nineties

When women go wrong, men go right after them.She Done Him Wrong

One and one is two; two and two is four; and “five will get you ten” if you work it right!My Little Chickadee

I feel like a million tonight. But one at a time.Myra Breckinridge

To a young actor: How tall are you without your horse? Six foot, seven inches. Never mind the six feet. Let’s talk about the seven inches!Myra Breckinridge

I’m the kinda girl who works for Paramount by day, and Fox all nightSextette

To her British lover about to climb in bed with 80-something Mae: She said that she hoped soon to be able to say what Paul Revere said — ‘The British are coming’. This was the last one-liner Mae ever uttered on film.Sextette

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?Sextette[1][2]

When you got the personality, you don’t need the nudity.Quoted in “For Women, Monologues They Haven’t Heard” by Susan Pomerance, Dramaline Publications (1985)

Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.#149 in The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (2006) by Robert Byrne

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.#684 in The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (2006) by Robert Byrne

I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.#685 in The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (2006) by Robert Byrne

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.#832 in The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said (2006) by Robert Byrne

I’ve always had a weakness for foreign affairs.